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TIP OF THE WEEK
Getting off to a good start

Both these stories show how easy it is for conversations to go off track. We can’t agree all the time. Turn your shouting matches into debates by paying attention to how you start.

No-one likes to be criticised or blamed - so replace those thoughts with praise for what you do want and be clear about owning your outcome.

“Nigel, I like it when you remember to tell me where you are going for the day” is so much more likely to achieve the result you want  than “You never tell me where you are going. How can I trust you?”

You can see how this works by playing this variation on the ‘hot and cold’ game of hide and seek we played as children. Instead of using warmer, hotter, colder, freezing, to indicate when your partner is getting close to an object, start by using negative language.

‘No’ ; ‘You couldn’t be more wrong’, etc

See how long it takes them to find the object - if they succeed. A word of caution here - they need to know this is part of a game.and then you can play act the negative emotion that goes with the words.

Next try another object and this time direct your partner with kind, positive words.

‘Yes’  ‘I love it when you do that’ etc.

Until next time
Nigel & Jenny Heath

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LOVING ARGUMENTS!

Close and loving relationships don’t necessarily run smoothly all the time. Well ours doesn’t! We are both strong minded people with our own views so there are moments when our ideas collide and we choose to disagree about something. We used to do this in a different way, based on how we had been in our previous long term relationships. Now we have devised a system all our own where we are both able to ‘shout’, express our opinions, and be emotional, safely!
These arguments always end up ....
To read more of  this click here
LOVING ARGUMENTS

POOR EXPECTATIONS!

The other day, Mark told me he went to work with a ‘little mental list’ of domestic things to do during the day. Despite his best intentions, they all seemed to fall out of his mind as he drove to work and became focussed on his job.

His wife Sandra, in frustration .....
To read the rest of this click here
POOR EXPECTATIONS!

November 13th 2007